Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
