I want to make a zoo with you.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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