you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
