Got a toothbrush?
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
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