Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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