I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
