I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
