dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize