I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
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Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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