The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
