her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
