I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
