your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I puked a lego.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
