the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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