FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
