And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
