Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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