I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
