She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
