I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
