that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
