Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
