Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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