No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
