I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
