We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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