Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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