I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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