I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
