Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
