i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
