i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
These tits shall not be calmed
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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