i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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