I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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