Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
