It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize