When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
