I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
