I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
