I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
