Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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