If i come over, it means nothing
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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