Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
