what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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