watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
