I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
