Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I wish you could order shots online.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Randomize
