Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
