You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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