Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
