cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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