I am spending my child support on dildos
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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