I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
thus making me awesome and them whores
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
