alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
