I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
