My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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