it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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