The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I intend to get homeless drunk
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
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He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
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"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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