Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
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The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
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All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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