I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
