I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
