I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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