I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
