omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
we're chasing vodka with high fives
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
